As I close in on the end of the first book of Hell/Dolls, I feel obligated to share something that had been asked of me since I was in high school.

After all of the posts I made in the past about tabletop games that I created, and stories that ended up in my “Never Finished” folder, why do I write?  And why, specifically, did I decide to write Hell/Dolls?

I remember very clearly some of my high school friends and teachers asking why I write, especially considering I’ve never completed any of the hundreds of stories I’ve started.  I’ve been biting at the question for years, just trying to think of an answer, and when I started writing Hell/Dolls, I was once again faced with this question from a (now-former) coworker.

“Why do you write?”

My answer to this question is the same as it has always been: I write to give the ideas solid form, so I can work on it and improve my skills and the worlds I create.  Ideally, I’d love for my worlds to inspire someone else who may be struggling with their own creative ways, but at the moment, I simply write to express and entertain myself and those that are willing to read.

When I thought back on this question, a different one came to mind, which is why I decided to make this post:

“Why did I decide to write Hell/Dolls with such dedication?”

By far, this is the longest I’ve ever worked on a story, and most definitely the hardest.  I spend most of my shift listening to a reading of the chapters to catch mistakes, rebuild phrases and passages, and to keep the story consistent.  It’s not lying to say that a good third of my free time this last year has been dedicated to writing this story.

“But why this story?” I ask myself.  “Of all the fantastical worlds I have in reserve, why has this one taken the limelight?”

It happens to be because I never have completed anything I’ve created.  From my humble beginnings acting out my twisted fantasies in my room as a child to the three or six tabletop games I started creating with high hopes, there are very few things I’ve managed to complete in my life when it comes to my interests.  It’s a struggle for me to complete even the simplest tasks, and when I aim high, I end up giving up before I’ve made any discernable progress.  From a hundred projects to three, I’ve made it my focus to at least finish the first book of Hell/Dolls (and maybe a handful of side projects as well, wink wink), and even though I’ve been pushing back the ending of this story, I’m nearing the endgame of this specific part of the story.

Finishing Hell/Dolls Book One won’t be the end of the entire story, not by a long shot.  I may even peter off after this book is done, and the series will fall into silence (or theft, though I sincerely hope neither of these happen).  But my goal is to finish something I’m passionate about, even if it doesn’t end up being all I want it to be.

As I’ve said in past posts, this world is one of my dearest creations, and I feel like if I can at least finish one book’s worth of writing, I can accomplish so much more in my life.

So, for that coworker who asked “Why do I write?”

I write to empower myself, to present my strange worlds to those willing to listen, and to make it clear to others that may be struggling with their own art that you can do it.

You can do it.

-Marcosias Isif